Satan's Mice


Questions frequently asked of Satan's Mice are answered on this page. If you do not see the answer to your question here, contact us. We may or may not respond.

What is Satan's Mice?

Satan's Mice is a philosophical organization for Disney Cast Members and Guests who are devoted to both Walt Disney's original vision and to the teachings of the Church of Satan.

Are you an official Church of Satan organization.


Doesn't holding Disney in such high esteem go against the Church of Satan's disdain for consumer-programmed adults?

Not at all. The Church of Satan agrees that there is good in the creation of attractive and entertaining personal space. Disneyland is just such a space, and Satan's Mice exists in part to maintain the Park so that it may be enjoyed by those for whom it was built. It is true that The Walt Disney Company has grown more commercial over the past few decades, and though we applaud work that is done to increase profits, we believe that profits will be maximized by better sticking to Walt Disney's original vision.

We do believe that there are many who enjoy Disneyland entirely because they have been commercially programmed. Many pin traders fall into this category. While we pity them, we also welcome the money they bring to the Park and the Company.

What is a Goatsketeer?

A member of Satan's Mice.

What are the requirements for becoming a Goatsketeer?

$10. If you blatantly do not live by our principles, you will not remain in good standing and will have to rejoin.

Do you worship Walt Disney?

We do not worship anyone. That would stand in the way of our personal advancement. However, we do carefully study Walt Disney's actions and words.

Are you evil?

That is a matter of definition of terms. Is it evil to strive for excellence? Is it evil to want to dominate an industry? Is it evil to follow a vision as competitors are trod underfoot? Is it evil to try and create magic in the lives of those who have paid money for our services? If so, then yes, we are evil.

Do you perform animal sacrifices?

The taking of life for reasons other than self defense or food is reprehensible. There is no room in Disneyland for the killing of living things, and nothing to be gained from ceremonies centered on death.

Do you perform human sacrifices?

We do not condone killing for the purpose of gaining personal power. We do however acknowledge that those who do not share the Vision must sometimes be removed from their positions for the betterment of the Guest experience. There are multiple non-lethal methods for securing their removal.

How do you feel about recreational drug use in the Park?

Recreational drugs are part of private life and do not belong in the Park. If you can't deal with visiting sober, then you are an addict and a fool.

How do you feel about cutting in lines?

Cutting in lines through force or deceit is reprehensible and should be treated as an attack upon those already in line. On the other hand, cutting in line by the use of FASTPASS or by the purchase of the services of a private tour guide is simply an exercise in economic power and completely acceptable. Even better are those who use their superior knowledge to visit attractions when they are not overwhelmed by other Guests and therefore avoid lines completely.

What about people who vandalize the Park?

Destroyers of private property must themselves be destroyed.

Are you trying to get everyone at Disneyland to act and look the same?

No! Conformity for the sake of conformity is one of the greatest sins. It obliterates the individual and stifles creativity. The greatest Cast Member stands out as an individual while still adding to the Show. A Cast Member whose performance is repeatedly lauded by Guests is the greatest Cast Member of all!

Is it true that when a ride has two lines the left-hand path is often shortest?

That is not a question, it is a poor joke.

Do you believe that people go to Disneyland when they die?

No. Enjoy it while you can.