Satan's Mice

Mickey's Nine Satanic Statements

  1. Disneyland represents indulgence instead of abstinence!
  2. Disneyland represents thorough immersion instead of unthemed thrill rides!
  3. Disneyland represents undefiled creativity instead of bald-faced marketing!
  4. Disneyland represents kindness to those who pay admission instead of entertainment wasted on freeloaders!
  5. Disneyland represents market dominance instead of corporate pacifism!
  6. Disneyland represents responsibility to the responsible instead of caving in to frivolous lawsuits!
  7. Disneyland represents animals that are just as good as people, sometimes better, always funnier, and able to walk on two legs, who, because of their film history and hijinks, have become the most entertaining creatures of all!
  8. Disneyland represents all forms of entertainment, as long as they can be enjoyed by the whole family!
  9. Disney has been the best friend Dreamworks has ever had, as every bit of talent they have was stolen from The Mouse!

About the Satanic Statements

These statements are the principles upon which Satan's Mice was founded. They remain as true today as they were in the beginning. Disneyland has not remained the same, however, and in many ways has drifted away from these principles. Roller coasters without themes! Interference by Marketing! Satan's Mice believes in using all manner of influence -- from proxy votes to shows of protest to outright bribes -- to return the company to compliance.